On August 14, Chewy informed me that FedEx had delivered my package. I was surprised because my driveway alarm hadn’t gone off. Then again, I’m used to FedEx’s brand of “service.” I’ve had packages dropped in my trash bin, tossed on the side of the road by my mailbox, and once—classy move—in a ditch.
A quick check on the FedEx site showed their proof-of-delivery picture. Clear as day, it was the wrong location. I reported it to both FedEx and Chewy.

FedEx dutifully opened a support ticket. Chewy, being the actual adult in the room, immediately offered to replace my package. This isn’t my first rodeo with FedEx incompetence and apparently not Chewy’s either. Once, a “lost” package magically reappeared almost a year later. I honestly don’t know why Chewy insists on using them, but I sure can’t complain about Chewy’s response.

The next day, FedEx outdid themselves by dropping my wife’s anniversary gift at the same wrong address. Knowing how sideways this could go, I hopped in my car and cruised local driveways. No luck. Another vanished package. Another report filed.

Three days later, my first ticket was “resolved” with a standard form apology. “We apologize. We have no idea where your package is. Contact your shipper for further details.”  Turns out, that’s just how FedEx rolls—close every ticket in three days with the same canned message. Every ticket and reopened ticket were closed in exactly three days.

Maybe ten years ago I’d have fallen for that. Not now. Their drivers’ photos are geolocated the instant they’re taken. Unless FedEx is still operating on floppy disks, they know exactly where my stuff went.
So, I called. The automated system cheerfully told me, “Your package has been delivered, your support ticket has been closed, do you need more help?” Yes, actually, I did. It took persistence but I finally got through to a human, and to her credit, she admitted the “good” delivery photos didn’t match the “bad” ones. She reopened the ticket. Shocker: three days later, same form letter, same ticket closed.

Meanwhile, UPS, Amazon, Walmart, and USPS somehow all manage to find my gate. Miracles never cease.

But it gets better. After two misdeliveries in two days, I decided to sign up for FedEx tracking. That might be the only way I could see where my packages were being dropped off. I gave them all my details—name, address, email, phone number, and a password. Boom. I got the welcome emails. I was all set. Or so I thought.

Then my wife asked if I had changed her FedEx account because she suddenly couldn’t log in. She’d received an email saying her account had been changed. Sure enough, she was locked out.

Think about that: by creating a new account, I had provided a different name, phone number, and password. FedEx never told me there was already an account at my address. They never asked for the old password. They just bulldozed over her account and handed me the keys—phone number for verifications and all.

I was floored. This wasn’t just incompetence; this was a full-on demolition of basic security. FedEx essentially makes it possible for a complete stranger to hijack your account armed with nothing more than an address. It’s like they hired a high school football team, threw in an attempt at AI, and called it FedEx Delivery Manager.

Sure, they sent her a courtesy “your account was changed” email with a help number—because nothing says secure like shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted. But I shouldn’t have been able to make those changes in the first place.

All I needed was her address, and suddenly I could change the phone number and password linked to her account. FedEx even “verified” me by sending an email to the new phone number I had just added. Genius. Meanwhile, my wife was left to sit on hold, verifying herself for something that should never have happened.

Vacation, divorce, spiteful neighbors—you name it. The opportunities for revenge using the gaping hole in FedEx’s security system are endless. If I had a business account with them, I’d be panicking.
In the middle of this circus, Chewy was stellar. They replaced my package the same day FedEx closed my case with their “we have no idea” shrug.

And to top it off, neither my wife nor I got any notification when the Chewy replacement box finally arrived. Oh, and the “track my driver” feature—the only reason I signed up—never worked at all. Honestly, at this point, I’d have been shocked if it had.

If you have a choice, don’t use FedEx. Unless you enjoy comedy disguised as logistics.

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And of course, today’s song from Songer… Lost in the Shuffle

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