Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking hard about two things, how to get lower gas prices and how to get better mileage on my vehicle. It was while I was in the thought simulation chamber (shower to you) that the solution came to me.
I was amazed, all these weeks I’ve been thinking that Congress had no clue about math or science and they’ve had the answer all along.
Using the same established accounting principles that Congress used to give us our World Class Health Care, we can lower gas prices by a factor of four and easily get 100 miles per gallon.
Enough grandstanding, the solution is simple, all we need to do is redefine the size of a gallon. Take the current gallon and call it a jumbo gallon. Now redefine a quart as a gallon. I never saw the need for a quart any way. Think about it, overnight the price of gas will drop by four. This will also make my wife happy because it will also cut the cost of milk.
I can hear the scientists and mathematicians now, “You’ve changed nothing. You’re just making it sound better”. They would be right if we left it there. You’ve probably already realized that this would also cut your mileage by four. Once again, letting Congress lead the way, all we have to do is redefine the length of a mile too.
If we redefine a mile as 208.7103 feet, we multiple the current mile by slightly over 25. Now an acre is exactly one square mile and you will be getting over 150 miles per gallon on the new gallon system!! Added benefit, students can now remember the relationship between a square mile and an acre.
Think about it, overnight we can lower gas prices and improve gas mileage for everyone. All by using the same established accounting practices Congress is using to balance the budget, provide for Social Security and don’t forget our World Class Health Care.
I’m still hearing a few naysayers out there. I extended my time in the thought simulation chamber just to consider all the confusion and chaos this would cause. I wasn’t making progress until I realized I was still thinking like an engineer. Once I shifted into politician mode, the answer was easy. This isn’t a flaw, it’s actually an additional benefit of my plan.
These changes would create a huge number of jobs as people corrected maps, signs, labels and standards to bring us into modern times. By the time the changes had been made, the economy would be going strong. All thanks to the lower gas prices and the increased mileage everyone was getting.
There may be a few more small details to work out but after she read this, my wife has restricted my time in the thought simulation chamber.Opinion by pen